I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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