I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
