I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
