I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
