you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize