Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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