I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
