dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
