Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
