Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All the doctor said was why
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
