No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
