remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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