low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
