girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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