I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
