Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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