I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
