I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize