1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
