I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
