real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
