i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Randomize
