I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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