yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
