So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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