I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
