Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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