Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
