A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
