In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
