You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
