She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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