I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
