Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
did you just send me my own nude
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize