How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I got inside last night via doggy door
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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