i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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