He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize