woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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