I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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