id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
