You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
