It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
