Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
