I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's never too late to be topless.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
