areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
