I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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