So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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