i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
