hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
