I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
