he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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