Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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