lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize