ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
