Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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