The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
whose ass print is on the piano?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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