Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He had one of those small greek statue penises
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You have to summon your inner elephant
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
