You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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