Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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