Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
