Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
