btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
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