I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
