I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
