i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
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