I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
please come you make the beer taste better
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
