I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
